You quiet cracking

When you realized that
Someone you see almost daily
And interact with almost as much
Has somehow touched your heart
By just trying to do their best
As a human being–
I can see the sadness in your eyes
As you try to concentrate on
Whatever you’re doing
As you realize this will not end
Like the fairy tales you like to write
Or the shows you like to watch–
I can see how at first you hid
What you started feeling
Your face as still as water
But looking closely
I can see the ripples form
As you realize that someone
Is becoming special to you
And you cannot stop it–
There is no practicality
To what you’re feeling
And you know this too
There can be no follow through
From what you’re feeling
No following up
From what was beginning
And still you’re considering
Giving your heart its due–
“Never mind what happens next”
I can hear you confess
Though that makes things a mess
Because you are exhausted
Of hiding
Your heart-stained sleeve
Of abiding with
The precious the pretentious
Status quo
Like you’ve done many times before–
I can see you in deep thought
Trying to figure out the best route
Out of the labyrinth you’re trapped in
No matter which path you choose
You think you will lose
Because what you had with them
Before your heart skipped a beat
Wasn’t messy but neat
Pure and unstained
Because you were trying
To be kind and supportive
Nothing more nothing less–
I can feel the crushing burden
Your awakened heart has now placed on you
Your calm disturbed and
Undistracted moments now so few
Your focus has dulled
From having to repeatedly deflect
Cupid’s barrage of arrows
I can hear you whisper
When you’re alone
“Please make it stop”–
As the days become
Weeks become
Months become
You dread time becoming
Without your special someone knowing
What you have been feeling
All this time
Yes their ignorance is their bliss
But you begin to wonder
If anyone has noticed
You are not the same
That you have fallen
And don’t know how to get up
Or whether you should even try–
Now you have said
What you needed to say
Consequences be damned
And you start thinking
Of the times before your special someone
Wasn’t special at all
When they gave you a compliment
Treated you kindly
And now you wonder
After you’ve confessed
Whether your special someone
Will act the same as before
Because you placed them
In an impossible situation
Of showing kindness support
Even love
Without being in love–
As the days become
Weeks become
Months become
You dread time becoming
Since your special someone knowing
What you have been feeling
All this time
They know your truth
And every time you now see them
And everything they do
And every word they say
Seems to come from
A different place
Who they are now
Has been revised
Or are you feeling guilty
For sharing
Your awakened heart’s burden
With them?

Mosaic

Talk through all the
Thoughts in my head
Pick through whatever
Comes to mind
No whole pieces
Just fragments instead
Just tornadic winds
Strangling wind chimes
Let’s make a mosaic
Of what’s been found
Just keep it prosaic
No accoutrements allowed
But whatever image
We assembled
Made our souls tremble
Darkness beneath the shroud
Whirlwind reaping limbs lost
Blood stained reign bodies tossed
Impaled inhaled crown of thorns hailed–
Then the vision was gone
Our surroundings not the same
Room where we played
No doors no windows
Charnel house it became
Us transported via ritual
This unholy vault
Now our tomb

Defender

Disrespect my boundaries
Because this is what you want
Just to get a peek at
Who I really am
Instead of staying away
Stay a while and say
What you want to say
And I will listen
Neither make any excuses for me
Nor make me feel comfortable
Let me fight my own battles
And get my own hands dirty
Let me speak when spoken to
Offer my opinions though they be few
Provide praise and criticism when due
And I will stand my ground
Disappoint yourself and
Let me know your weakness
Invade my space and share yours
So I understand your fears and tears
Let me rescue you
Though that is not who you are
And I will be yours forever

Data broker

Whenever you’re around
Trying to decode everything
You say and do
To know who you may be into
You giggle loudly talking to someone
I’ve never heard you laugh like that before–
Note to self
Is there something more?
My client needs data
No ring on your finger
Always alone you don’t linger
More work charge client pro rata–
You’re playful with others
But tight-lipped about associates
Does it mean you have one or more lovers?
Check the socials as appropriate–
Package for client now done
But no smoking gun
Whether you’re available
That is strictly debatable–
Checking for the next job
Got another one

Resurrected

Losing patience
With everything
I don’t want you
To save me
Let me drown
In this life
Choking on air
You so easily breathe

Burn my dreams
Let their ashes cloud the skies
The world as it seems
Defies denies I despise

Words exchanged
Promises made
To see hear share
Let me indulge
My fear and despair
Oh why do I
Find you alluring?
Your ambiguity reassuring?

Dreamless
Return me to the depths
Unshackle my heart all for the best
Time reverse so we never met
Me erased your timeline reset
Break the ritual
Let me finally rest

Objectified

Humans are
People
Not things
But I want to feel
Sought after longed for
I want to be something
Chased then caught
Dreamt about
A dream come true
A blessing in disguise
An unexpected gift
I want
To catch someone
Looking at me
(Not looking away)
I want
To be told I have
Nice eyes
(Not that they like my shirt)
That I have
A beautiful mind
(Not that I’m smart)
That I am wanted
(Not that I’m needed)